
Anyone who knows me well knows I have a tough time communicating under pressure, or when I get super emotional. I am the type of girl who feels so strongly, sometimes words can’t describe the pain or happiness I feel, so I stop talking. Or say the entirely wrong thing, my words always come out wrong.
In all my relationships, I have had this problem. I wasn’t able to effectively communicate at some of the most critical times. I didn’t have the tools, or knowledge to say precisely what I meant. In my defense, I am genuinely a good person, and I tried my best to avoid conflict because I hate any confrontation, partially because I don’t know how to talk my way through problems openly.
I’ve recently moved back in with my parents, and good lord the communication in the house is worse than mine has ever been. My dad is like Mr. Anti-communication, he refuses to talk about things, and totally gets pissed when we ask questions he doesn’t have the answers to. I am 100% like him.
Watching my parents, I have learned some good tools to deal with my communication problems. When I didn’t have all the answers people always said it was weird, or my answers didn’t make sense. WELL, they were right it didn’t make sense because I didn’t understand what was happening, and that is no reason for the other person to get suspicious or frustrated. The right answer is to help me find the answers, help me find the truth. My mom does this with my dad, and I would say 85% of the time when they work together to find answers to a situation, the communication always opens after both people understand what is happening.
The next thing I have learned from watching my parents is it’s okay to step back and breathe before saying something. Emotions run high in this house (mine included), and I notice both of my parents take a real step back and breathe for a minute before they say anything else. I haven’t ever done this; I am that person, when you accuse me or freak me out, I go off. Mostly because I don’t believe I did anything wrong, but I can’t explain that. I say the first thing on my mind, and it’s usually not what I mean. There are so many times I would have just breathed it out before saying anything, at work, at home, in school. This tool could have helped me so much through my teenage years; I wish I had learned these lessons earlier.
The third thing I have noticed is my mom listens… my dad sometimes does. I am a lot like my dad, I hear things, but it doesn’t necessarily connect. My mom tries her best to look from his point of view. I say I do this, but the damn truth is most of the time I can’t. I think this is something that comes with life experience, and age, I’m not there yet. I have tried to see a situation from someone else’s point of view, and I can’t because I am so focused on proving myself to them that I am clouded.
The last thing I learned is some important things can’t get worked out then and there, it might take a few days to find the answers or to come up with an agreement, but you can always hug and kiss before bed. I know people say, “don’t go to bed angry.” I agree, but I also know some things take a few days, and the best you can do is tell each other you love them, hold each other, and move past it for the moment.
I think these are essential tools for any relationships, whether it’s in school, work, or personal life, these are some of the tools you need to be good at communication. I’m not an expert by any means, and these are just a few things I have noticed and wanted to work on. I won’t be the most open person you know for a few years, but I can start taking small steps to get there. I find it way easier to write on my blog, where I can fully think about things, rather than in person. I know there is a lot more to learn, but that’s why we get such a long life, so we can keep learning every day.
It’s strange some of the habits we pick up from our parents, but they have done a swell job at raising an incredibly good writer with good intentions. What else could you ask for? It’s been a long time uptight. I’m working on getting a short 9f mine published. Would love your feedback on my new short called The Writers Block. Hope to see you there
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One step at a time… 🙂
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An interesting post. It’s really important to breathe first rather than just say the first thing on our mind so we don’t hurt others and have regrets.
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I have a huge problem with that and I know it. I know that I need to work on this and I am. The first step is acknowledging the problem. Thank you for stopping by my blog!
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Anytime.
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Your writing is so raw and real. I love it! I can even find bits of myself in you.
Love what you are doing! Keep it up!
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Thank you so much! I like writing about things that I have seen or experienced. I think it makes things easier to relate too. Thank you for reading it means a lot to me!
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What a cool post, thanks for sharing 🙂
NEW POST:
https://lotofdots.wordpress.com/2017/12/08/victorias-secret-show-2017/
Have a nice day,
xx
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Definitely valuable info.
I’d suggest giving that “Enter” another tap to actually have space between paragraphs. I see there are separate ones, but it would be easier to read if they were easier to distinguish.
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Thank you! I will absolutely do that!
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There are good points for us to follow.
Cheers
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beautiful post, I really relate to this. as a communication major, I must say, you seem to really understand the subject. I’m like you, years of bad communication skills drove me to learn more about it and continue to.
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Thank you! I am really trying to understand and learn better ways to communicate.
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I have a problem with speaking so passionately that the person listening thinks I’m upset with THEM. It’s so hard turning it around after that. Great post!
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Thank you! I really appreciate it. We all have our communication problems.
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I find it much easier to communicate through writing as well, for similar reasons as you. Since writing is a slower form of communication than speaking, it gives me more time to organize my thoughts and figure out how to say exactly what I mean. Unfortunately in “real life” people often expect an instant answer; if you don’t say what they want to hear 5 minutes ago they assume the worst.
Communication is hard, especially when emotions are involved…which they always are to some degree.
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Yes exactly, people want an answer right away, and I try to do that for them. Unfortunately I need the time to organize myself and say the right things. I am learning it’s okay not to respond right away. Either way the other person will be angry.
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Yea. If you tell people, “I’m thinking,” then they sometimes get suspicious and assume you’re trying to construct some sort of lie. Some people will be angry no matter what, but a few individuals are more understanding.
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Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
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So true, friend. If only we could keep calm during confrontations & communicate a little better alot of relationships would be saved.
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I saw that you followed my blog and had to come check out yours. You have the communication skills, for sure!! What really helps (and I’m 40-something but still working on it) in letting out the words you mean to let out instead of what’s there on the surface is meditation. Ever tried it? It helps to build your ability to listen, to let go of the thoughts that don’t suit your immediate needs, and to be more ‘clear’ about what it is you’re feeling in response to an event and how you want to handle it. It’s a discipline and a practice. I envy you that you have parents who are still together and know how to stay that way. I only had failing models of relationships to look at in my “growing up” life. Never saw one that was exactly what I wanted for myself. Could never stick with a dude like your dad who doesn’t want to express himself and gets angry if prompted. He’s super lucky to have a woman like your mom who deals with it and loves him through it. Thanks for sharing & for reading my junk.
Wishing you lots of great communication & relationships.
Maybe look into this fantastic body of work too: https://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Nonviolent-Communication-Audiobook/B00TJJNSQG?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&cvosrc=ppc%20cse.google%20shopping.192854940&cvo_crid=167186479893&cvo_pid=43266138452
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I have been looking into meditation! I know it would help me a lot, even for other things. I am really lucky to have my parents in my life. They are good for me to watch! Thank you for stopping by I will definitely check those out!
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Hey UptightPrettyGirl! Thanks for subscribing to my blog today, super thankful! I’m happy your a part of the family and I’m sure you’ll go far with that powerful voice of yours. Ever tried public motivational speaking? Anyways, I’m grateful for the support!
xx, Shreya
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No I haven’t tried public speaking, I’m not sure I would be good at it, but I would love to try. It’s a little out of my comfort zone, but I think that’s why it would be a good experience.
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We can learn actively from our parents or just taking their behaviour as a model. Miscommunication can be the result of a copying mechanism we first saw and experienced in our family. And it’s good when we realise that. It’s the first step towards improvement.
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Thank you, now that I see what problems I have, I am really able to work on it. I also think openly talking about it has helped me think things through and I am better bale to help myself! Thank you for stopping by my blog!
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🤗
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Thank you for dropping by my blog.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s easier to write than to speak for some. It’s a fact when you are emotional. Writing helps to cool down and take a distance. When growing older we can learn that too. Take our time before answering, listen to the person who is talking and trying to understand their point of view. But the most important thing is to realize the changes we want to achieve for ourselves.
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The way this resonated with me!! 👌🏾 good piece
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Thank you for stopping by!
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Do you consider yourself introverted?
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I definitely consider myself introverted!
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Others ways of cummunication are presented.i am like you n having reseverd nature.poetry n paintings are medium of my social network where i feel easy ,may be no.of friends are lesser.
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I learned a lot from this excellent post and I think that you express yourself so well. I also see that you are ‘following’ me and thanks so much for the connection! 🙂
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Thank you for stopping by and reading! I am learning how to express myself in person now, that’s the next step. I can’t wait to read more from you!
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Reblogged this on Ordinary Girl and commented:
Oh my goodness it feels kinda great to know I am not the only one. I feel like some girls suffer major social insecurity which needs to be eased somehow and it would be incredible if everyone understood so I don’t feel like collapsing in on myself whenever I am talking with someone. Thank you for sharing this. xx
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Hey thanks for stopping by and reading this! I actually didn’t know if being so open about how my family communicated with each other would attract peoples attention. I’m glad you liked it, thank you so much!
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I’m liking this post … my problem has always been filling in the gaps, as in, the pauses. I find pauses in conversations awkward so have a tendency to rabbit away about something completely random so then I look like a complete numpty!
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I sometimes have that problem, mostly when I get nervous. Or sometimes I completely stop talking and stare at people. It’s one or the other with me, never an in between,
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Yes! I’m slightly one extreme or the other or I just ramble!
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